Ass whupping on Aisle 7!

by John M. Ellison IV

I remember a few years ago, I was doing some late night grocery shopping, and saw two cops addressing a disturbance in the store. It seemed that there had been a fight between two guys in the back of the store. From what I pieced together, the disagreement between the two guys was about something that they were both trying to shoplift at the same time! The argument escalated to, “you wanna take this out back?” Whenever that phrase “you wanna take this outside” is uttered, just know, nobody wins.

So, to get a closer look, I looked through the window of the double doors in the back of the store and saw a guy on the floor being interviewed by the cops, (this was not a good look), and the other guy was on the floor groaning like Master P.

I mean, dude was face down, legs sprawled out. Pretty much looked like Glass Joe from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! (I’m old school, man. 8-bit gamer old school.)

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I noticed the other cop had the other dude in hand cuffs, I’ll call him “Glass
Bro”), and was escorting him from the store. The weird thing was, it wasn’t like
there was malice between the cop and the guy because as the cop escorted the guy out of the store
in handcuffs, they were talking like they’d known each other for years. For both of them, it appeared
that it was all in a day’s work …

I can’t make this crap up.